my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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