I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize