I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
