This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
