Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
