If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
