chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
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