i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
