I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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