the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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