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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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