You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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