At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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