I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
