I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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