I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
