My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize