remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
