I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Just cropdusted the office
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I understand Curling. That high.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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