I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
