hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
