Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
