Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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