If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
