New low: just hacked my moms facebook
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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