I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
