Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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