Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
