dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize