brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
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