you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize