At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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