can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
This is my life. Enjoy the view
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
