I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize