so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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