She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Never underestimate the power of titties
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