rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
We smell like vodka and hangover
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