i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
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