His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
