doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
