we're blogging at a bar
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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