please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
