how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
