**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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