The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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