He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
