If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
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