The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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