Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
