Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Randomize
