I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
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