To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
