My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
