I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
