I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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