Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
It's blow job season.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
