u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
