I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
