our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
These tits shall not be calmed
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
