she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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