im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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