Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Randomize
