i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
