forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
