we're blogging at a bar
I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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